hotel room ftw
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
