What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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