I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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