did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
