i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
