this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
