i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
