An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
