Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
