you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just want to make out with him forever
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
