Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize