We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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