Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
