I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i now understand why vodka
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
