The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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