Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
they need to just BURY HIM!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
