Michael Bay diarrhea
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize