She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
