I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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