it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
