We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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