I want to stick my p in your. b.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
