I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
