My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
