i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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