I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
