All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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