Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
This house was built for laser tag.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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