new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize