he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Never underestimate the power of titties
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
