My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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