Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize