I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
