I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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