Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
