whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
