I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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