apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
