The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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