Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
