i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
