i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
