I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
pray to the hookup gods
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My bed smells like the plague
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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