Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
