I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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