Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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