Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize