I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
