Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
