It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
