I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
