Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
