eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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