some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
