it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
