i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
