His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
