I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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