You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
