Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
