Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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