went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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