so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
