I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
