You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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