it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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