I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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