The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
