I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
