Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
