the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
