Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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