all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
