I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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