So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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