so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
