I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
birth control should be required to get into college
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
