did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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