why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
