why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
