i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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