You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
