I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Randomize
