I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize