yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
