He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
