I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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