I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
