i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
