That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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