I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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